Because people smile just to hide what they don't want others to know

-'-

2012-01-25T12:30:00.000+08:00

Dude, you really sucks so much.

Untitled.

2012-01-25T01:39:00.002+08:00

All the best bro, all the best..

I have nothing else to say because to you, she's

of course prettier.
better than me.
someone who can click with you damn well
someone who can play with you cos you both play the same sports
easier to be sent home cos she live nearer
someone you turned to when me and you were having problems
someone you want..

I've fucking watch the same thing twice, cb.

I miss committing in a relationship, and I miss being in a long term relationship..

Reality.

2012-01-18T01:58:00.001+08:00

If you can't solve it, it isn't a problem - it's reality. And sometimes reality is the hardest thing to understand and the thing that takes the longest to realize. But once it hits you in the face you'll never forget it. It will always be there in your memories and sometimes that is the best way to look at it.

Girls are stupid. We clearly know that people come and go, yet we still get too attached to them.

Friends.

2012-01-13T03:33:00.002+08:00

I really don't like it when the time I just started making new friends, they'd leave even before being as real friends.
Sucks so much :( It's so hard to make new friends..
Plus, I don't like to make new friends because I'm shy. Shy yet friendly!!! Puaaaaaaaaa..

I don't know how many times I'm gonna complain about how my life sucks and such in this lifetime, but I'm always tired of complaining.. But seriously, only "fml" can summarize what I'm gonna complain. Seriously! :@ I mean, of course there are also better times :) One thing is that I have stopped holding on and hanging right there waiting for some E.T to come and 'save' me.
Thanks to the help of a friend I've met just a day before 2011 ends, he helped me get my ex off my mind. But I really hope he's off my mind not just for a short period of time! Really don't wanna torment myself anymore because of him.. Idk how to express my gratitude but well, just "thank you" :)

& also, I've been through so many ups and downs recently which everyone won't be able to notice it on the surface.
But after all these, I'm trying to convince myself a few things.

Not all guys are the same, BUT!
Someday somehow, they'd come and go even before we realize it.

Well these are the 2 that I want it to be etched damn clearly in my head. I want to make it as a 'natural response' to accept it if guys come and go into and out of my life, so that I won't get too attached and get hurt so easily anymore. I believe there are still guys who's worth all the time that girls are gonna spend on, but just that.. they're still not there yet. :(

Goodbye, xoxo!

No difference.

2012-01-11T01:52:00.002+08:00

L i a r . :(

why siaaaaaaaa.

Rojak.

2012-01-10T01:59:00.000+08:00

Felt so free, yet lost. Felt so happy, yet sad at the same time.

Emotions gone-bonkers.

2nd Movie of the year.

2012-01-09T01:58:00.000+08:00

Caught the movie We Bought a Zoo with Michelle and Jen.

Overall I'll rate it around 4/5?

I love the quotes from there.

And somehow, I really wish I have that 20 seconds of courage to spill it all out.
sigh, goodnight.

xoxo.

Independent.

2012-01-03T03:52:00.000+08:00

It's because I was too dependent on you back then that landed me in this pool of bullshits.

I can't turn back time to stop it, already too late.

It's a new year and a new beginning, I'm gonna learn how to be independent and protect my own fucking self.

Trust.

2011-12-28T20:40:00.003+08:00

:'( if you choose to hear only one party's story, then i can do nothing cause you don't even ask or bother to listen!! F u c k y o u , s e r i o u s l y .

Coasta sands!

2011-12-28T05:00:00.002+08:00

Hello! I'm still at Coasta sands and we're gonna book out at 1030AM later in the morning!!! I can't sleep and everyone else is already sound asleep -__-

Went to find Wong on the 26th, head to his friend's house at Yck. Damn shiok and bigggggg. I think it's the nicest house I've ever seen CURRENTLY :P

Head to chalet aftermath then played mahjong. Slept in the morning cause juniors was occupying the bed :'( had a super great sleep that I even kicked Alicia!

27th
Woke up around 3 plus then went to don't know what ocean to have our brunch. So expensive :'( went to buy marshmallows for BBQ and then my batch came!!! So happy to see them after almost a year :O :D ^^

Chatted and we took so many pictures. We even made a video, can't stop laughing whenever I watch it :') it's on Facebook and twitter. :D after all the fun moments, I sent them off to the mrt station as they're not staying over. How I wish they could, so we walked to the mrt station to see them off.

Waited for Alicia and we took bus back to chalet. Talk cock, ate supper ad we headed back to the room! Played a few rounds of mahjong and taiti(?). & now, everyone down except me :'( got so bored so I came here to blog using my iPhone. But I think I'm gonna rest awhile so I'd have energy to head to town or something. -smoke break- BYE!!!

:')

2011-12-22T08:36:00.001+08:00

Still remember how I fell in love with you yet unwilling to confess to you.
The love I had for you back then gave me the courage to confess to you.

Hello.

2011-12-20T09:40:00.000+08:00

Hello you! :D

Life must be great for you, too great..

:(

2011-12-05T11:28:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was supposed to be our 21st..

I don't know why am I still hoping that you'd talk to me when you're online.

You'll always be the biggest, nicest and strongest tree in the forest ;)

2011-11-30T04:23:00.000+08:00

I'm ugly, but you didn't mind :)

Hello! I know it's already over but hey, I really wanna be your friend. The friend that you always ask to come out and slack, to ton, and you'd come and pat me on my head. Remember? That was like second last day of 2009 to first two months of February 2010. It was such great memories.

And yeah we broke up cos of me. Well I'm stupid I guess? Thinking that being friends would be better, like the first times I know you! :) But yeah, I was wrong about that. Never knew that after being together for so long, we're already used to being couples. And you couldn't treat me as a friend too I guess? I wanted a patch but I guess it was all too late. You don't want it and you're already ready to give up. :'(

No darling, it's not your fault you know. I'm at fault and I'm still childish. I can only blame myself for what happen. I don't know if we still have a chance but I guess not, judging from what you said? Now I won't tell you I've change and such, maybe I just wanna prove to you by being your friend. Not saying that I expect anything by proving it to you though..

To tell you the truth, I am still stuck. Sometimes, I still thought that we're together and I didn't cry after thinking that way. But once I'm back to reality, I really cried so much. I feel so numbed at times and I wish that I could be numb all the time. But somehow, reality is better. Reality tells me that you're gone and it's all because of me.

I still remember on the day we broke up, you posted on my wall before the break up. You were so sweet you know ;) I posted on your wall, but you didn't get to see it before the break up. That's why you didn't reply.. In the night before we broke up, you fed me. And I find faults with you :( So fucking stupid but, darling I'm really sorry. You're tired of me saying sorry, saying I would change etc cos I would always do it again. Just like you also, you said sorry for doing this but sometimes, you do it. Guess I'm really not your girl.

I don't blame you for regretting being with me. But I don't want you to feel that way.. We had happy memories too. Remember blanket game? I hide inside the blanket and I peek at you! Then I mustn't let you see me hahaha! Then you'd just pull off the blanket and hug me :) Remember helping each other to dig ear? Yeah people might think that this is disgusting but to me, helping you isn't! I always help you reluctantly and you helped me too :) Then those shit would drop deeper into the ear HAHAHA!!! I guess people are feeling so disgusted if they read this :O Remember me helping you squeezing blackheads? I would always ask you to "tahan ah! 忍 ah!" then after squeezing, I will asking you whether is it pain or not then I will sayang the part that I squeezed the blackheads.

You know Weiher.. It's probably because you're tired of being with me already. & that would make you not wanting to be my friend. I really want to be your friend even if we can't be couples. Just you know, at least let me be your friend. You said this before "Old love is true love" but I guess you'd find a better and new one.

I will always be by your side. Loving you, praying for you, and wishing all the best for you.

I love you, brother. :)

another 4 days to our 21st month, another 2 months to my birthday.

another 3months and 4 days to our 2nd year.

it's over but i'm gonna try to be strong, try.

Happy to know that you loved me all along :')

The best movie watched together

Thanks for lying to me about our seats. You gave me surprises about it! :)
I never knew that you'd asked for couple seats, really.
So romantic of you :)

Will always stand by you, cos I'm Liu Jing Mei & cos you're Huang Wei He.

Ooooooh!

2011-11-16T16:46:00.000+08:00

HELLO BOOBIES~ ;) I'm gonna start updating my blog after Friday! :)

Somehow I forgot how to blog..

uh-huh. :(

Brother!

2011-11-12T20:55:00.001+08:00

Untitled

2011-10-31T22:22:00.003+08:00

What's the point?
What's the fucking point..

I never let go, never once.

If only someone can tell him how much I really love him, like just some crystal ball, showing him how I really feel about and for him. :(

Maturity.

2011-09-29T00:07:00.001+08:00

I AM NOT MATURED ENOUGH -_-

Wonder how, wonder why.

2011-09-10T14:18:00.001+08:00

I really wonder what kind of girls do you prefer..

I'm like a small kid and I'd cry.

I remember you'd sayang me and say "hao la, don't cry already okay?"

Now it's a different thing.

But I still love you like no one else does.

Good times with you. :)

We are girls.

2011-09-06T01:36:00.001+08:00

When we say bye halfway thru' the conversation, we would want you to say you'll talk to us later instead of saying okay, bye.

Girls' pattern really.. more than badminton's.

:'(

2011-08-30T05:30:00.001+08:00

No one will ever know how much I love Weiher.

They will never know how much I can sacrifice for him.

No one will totally understand.

They might say they do, but actually they don't.

No one will bother to listen to me..

But I love him more than anyone else.

Yet.. :(

The 3 crisis.

2011-07-10T23:34:00.002+08:00

Friendship crisis. Relationship crisis. Kinship crisis.

I need some time off from the world, :(

My love.

2011-07-04T07:09:00.000+08:00

My love, you're everything I could ask for.

Your smile makes me happy, when things make me sad.

(The Sallys - My Love)

What feeling is this? Can anyone tell me?

2011-07-02T07:12:00.000+08:00

Hi..

I'm feeling so sad, to the extent of crying..

I had so much to say but I don't know how and where to start off.

There's this guy I really loved a lot, ever since 16 months ago.

I never stopped, and people said that I should have.

Well that's not the main point.

The main point is I don't understand why.

Why people have to judge me by hearing someone else's story?

Why don't they just ask me?

And just by believing what they see, they thought they've know the truth.

But no, the truth is not what they see!

I'm having second thoughts, really real second thoughts.

Life's miserable, yet I can do nothing to 'light' it up.

-'-

2011-07-01T11:22:00.001+08:00

Bloody shit.

Hate your fucking excuses, fucking piece of shit.

Shouldn't have born into this kind of place, with these kind of family members

Excuses more than pregnant nun, pattern 多过 badminton!

Hey hi ho HAAAA!

2011-06-13T15:04:00.000+08:00

Ollo everybody!

I wonder how's my camera doing in London/Paris now..

Ugh. So bored.

Continue later, if i have the time :D

I'm just a living toy, fun to toy with but still left unattended at the end of the day.

2011-06-10T12:18:00.001+08:00

I feel so inferior to every single of your friends :(

BUT I AM A STRONG GIRL ^^

MAYBE TO ANYONE OUT THERE I'M NOT, I'LL SHOW YOU I AM ONE. :)

I want to show the World I'm not as weak as they think I am.

Girls have two things on their mind when they cry.

1. Don't let her boyfriend know she's crying cause he'll get mad.

2. Let her boyfriend realize that she's crying so that he'll comfort her and sayang her.
3. This is not on her mind but.. She doesn't want to let her boyfriend know that she's crying but
her boyfriend know.

Outcome: Mostly number 1.

I feel you, girls. :(

This is cute.

2011-06-08T00:26:00.000+08:00

KIDDING!

1st!

2011-06-05T16:02:00.000+08:00

Happy. Excited. Still, this will never change.

I'm sorry.

Today I'm going to talk about...

2011-05-31T02:57:00.000+08:00

JUSTIN BIEBER

It's a random post actually, cause I feel bored and just finished watching Never Say Never online.

It's a very short post too.

I don't understand why people dislike him so much, can anyone tell me why?

He sounds gay? No. -.-

Then his hair is gay? That's his style.

Even if he looks gay to people out there, he's definitely more talented than many people.

He plays the drum, the guitar.

He shoots hoops, kick balls and do baseball.

Who'd be so talented? At his age!

His father left him when he was 10 months old, that's not a happy thing for him.

MAYBE in his heart and mind, he's still thinking about this.

And the hurting words that people out there shoots at him, I wonder how he could manage his stress..

Not only that, he have to do recordings and train his voice for his songs in the future or whatever.

He's just a kid, and he's fighting to be one of us too.

Get a life, morons.

(I may not be a fan of him, but I'll definitely not be a hater of him. Ever.)

Hey.

2011-05-29T17:42:00.000+08:00

Hi world! I don't think anyone will be reading my blog, but nevermind. Recently I lost some weight! ^*yay!* But then I gain it back :@ It's still a loss though, overall - 2kg, by right 4kg -_- should stop eating. i can do it! I feel so lousy, i did so badly for my studies. My dad is very disappointed in me, because i hang out late in the night till morning. I haven't show him my report book, and i'm afraid to do so. I wonder how will he react.. I bet he'll be even more disappointed. :( I don't know what to do! :'(

How much?

2011-05-28T17:14:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered how much tears I've shed for you?

Have you ever wondered how much time I've used up, waiting for you?

Maybe you have never ever wonder how, but I wish you would.

I don't mind how much tears I've shed and how much time I've used up waiting for you,

but I don't want to do it again.

Ideal.

2011-05-26T23:02:00.000+08:00

You.

The tale of the repeated Love.

2011-05-25T17:22:00.002+08:00

Don't do this to me, please? :(

To 9 years later.

2011-05-24T14:09:00.000+08:00

Do you think we can get through 9 years later and make all our dreams come true?

I hope we could.

I don't know why are we like this, and what happened to us.

I don't like this feeling :'(

Ni shi bu shi .... xi huan shang le bie ren? :(

I'm letting history repeating itself.

2011-05-23T16:32:00.000+08:00

I've come to a point that (points up) I'm letting history repeating itself.

I have been crying non-stop, for some reasons that no one knows.

Maybe in the past they do, but not anymore.

I really don't know who to trust.

I've been keeping secrets about myself to only myself for the past 1-3 years.

My problems are always my secrets, yet I can turn to nobody.

I don't have a choice, it's not that I don't want to choose but I really can't.

There's no choice for me to choose at all.

I'm back to square one..

i wonder if you meant what you say. cause you don't show and you lie.

Read it.

2011-05-21T20:19:00.002+08:00

AGAINST THE WORLD, against you.

Is it just me or the world?

2011-05-15T15:57:00.000+08:00

I feel like shit, I really do :(

I don't know what to do with my life.

It's like nobody even believe me, and nobody trust me in what I want to do.

Makes me feel so alone.

2011-05-14T22:34:00.000+08:00

Love my life. :)

See this? Come and read it and see why I say you have changed.

2011-05-09T13:11:00.000+08:00

I guess you wouldn't even care about this.

By asking this ONE question, I think it'll make you feel hurt by my words. Or maybe not.

Why are you being such a hypocrite?

You told me you don't like her.

Now I wonder if you did tell her that you don't like me.

I trust you, but not as much as before.

Or because you feel that you're not important as a friend?

I could've go to others when I cry, want to eat, want to study, want to walk, want to do nothing, want to slack, want to die.

But why did I went to you instead?

I thought you were the one who said you'll be there for me when I'm down?

What is it now?

Now when I want to look for you, what's your reply?

If there's nothing else other than studying, don't look for you.

Is that what you're trying to imply?

You already think that there's other people backstabbing you.

Why are you inviting even more knives to your back?

So now, i can't look for you. For studies too, yes? thanks sia.

The reason.

2011-05-09T12:51:00.002+08:00

The reason is not me.

It's because you don't know the rights of being loyal.

Fat.

2011-05-06T20:21:00.000+08:00

Hi everybody! I'm here to update about my health and stuffs related to it :)

Uhm, idk how to start...

Oh! I'm an athlete, but have no stamina.

Because I use to have really bad health.

All kinds, like cough and flu.

And it's like a daily routine for me to take medicine and wake up in the night just to clear my nose.

In the past, I will need to go to the doctors' cause I fall sick easily.

Now, I want to train my stamina.

But no matter how much I run, I'm still this fat and I still don't have any stamina! :(

Too bad, I don't have any determination.

I am a lazy girl!!

I don't have the mind-over-determination thing, so saaaaad! :(

I hope when someone reads this, he/she can bring me out to jog or at least train my stamina.

andand! help me slim down my legs, tummy and arms.

Fatgurlsigningoff.:)

Don't piss me.

2011-05-05T22:53:00.002+08:00

I hate hypocrites.

(Get this into your head, morons.)

Think.

2011-05-03T19:02:00.000+08:00

Everything happen so fast. I was right, I was just feeling bu gan xin. Now, I feel another kind of sad. A different kind of sadness. Oh God, whatever feeling i'm having now.. Please end it!

This year I met 2 different group of people, new friends.

Sec5s
715

Well, i felt happy to know them. Grateful too! I don't know how to express my happiness here or towards that 2 group of people. But I just know it myself, anyone can feel my happiness? :)

Of course I know only some of the Sec 5s, not all! But I want to thank people like Praveen, Naqib, Maman, Rafiq and Asyraf. They're there for me during some of the lowest part of my life. Of course there are others too, they know who they are though. I love the way they are, cause I guess it's my first time seeing such a big group of malays hanging out together and so united! Normally from what I see, express stream and normal stream people don't really click well. But the sec5s and the graduates proved this thing wrong. Hehe so happy to know them :)

And 715. Ever since march holidays, i've been hanging out with them. Day by day, I know each and everyone of them. Till now, I haven't got to know all of them. But people like Yihui, Wilfred, Shuyi and Kaicong, they've once or many times talk facts to me before. Obviously not crappy facts, but those are things that would affect me and my decisions. This group, they're fun to be with :) Especially that noisy ShuyiChai. Not to forget many others!

Of course people from Tekong. I know them last year. I know so many stories. I don't want to say it here. I'll just keep it to myself.

Lastly

I'M GOING MELBOURNE IN ANOTHER ONE YEAR AND EIGHT MONTHS TIME! :D

Feel.

2011-05-01T19:41:00.000+08:00

feel so sick. feel so lethargic. feel so tired. feel like dying. feel so fucked up. feel so shut. feel so idiotic. feel so unwell. feel so fat. feel like shit. feel like a bitch.

terribly sick, really very sick. halfway to death. halfway only...

Weird.

2011-05-01T13:35:00.000+08:00

Feel so weird. Feeling so fat.

Don't fucking come and go as and when you like.

2011-04-30T11:58:00.001+08:00

I guess I'm no longer the old Melissa. I just feel it that way. I have moved on, seriously. So much things happen recently, giving me unnecessary headaches. I hate this kind of feeling. Fugg it.

Back then if I really stop living, I wonder what would be the situation now..

(i know i'm going to cry again, so weak :( but i can't help it. this feeling sucks!)

Just a picture.

2011-04-29T17:00:00.000+08:00

Regretted.

2011-04-29T16:49:00.000+08:00

I cried a pond today.

I miss Sayang. >:(

what the f.

2011-04-27T23:41:00.002+08:00

do you believe it?

seems like i don't give a fuck about my mid-year papers, 'cept math and history.

wtfuck, i'll flunk everything.

goodnight world, goodnight adss.

If love is the most beautiful thing, why did it hurt so much?

2011-04-21T17:50:00.001+08:00

Good evening World, how are you?

I feel sad and happy today.

Happy is because of two things.

Got first for captain's ball.
My friends should know.

Sad is because of quite a number of things..

I'm just not being myself you know :(

Remember this post : Sur-reality ?

I feel that what I said in the post is really true.

The last line.

I'm so fake, fake people should be disliked by many.

Ok this is a confession.

I am not happy, I am very sad.

I'm just putting up a fake smile.

And yes, I'm okay. Don't worry, don't ask me anything about this.

Jo.

2011-04-21T17:42:00.002+08:00

Forever in my life

The way you're part of me, I would have to relearn everything.

To my ex-boyfriend.

2011-04-19T23:35:00.002+08:00

Yes, the title shows it all.

I guess I really moved on.

Maybe I really have sort out my thoughts.

No, I no longer want any 'revenge'.

I think it's childish, well I was childish for that part.

But now, not anymore I guess?

I just hope you'll last with her, even though I still dislike her but it doesn't matters anymore yes?

Because in time to come, I don't think I'll dislike her.

I love my mom and dad.

Oh and my brothers.

To myself, the world.

These few days, I don't really know whats going through my mind.

I get worked up even at the littlest thing.

Many things has been going through my mind, really many things.

Even considering myself to get into a relationship, that gives me a big headache.

There's so many things I want the world to stop having.

I want the world to stop giving me all kind of problems.

I want the world to stop giving me emotions.

I want the world to stop telling me what's love.

There's so many things to tell the world, but I know the world will not listen to me.

And these few days, I'm just so myself..

Maybe I'm just trying to cover up, to hide from others.

Mel, are you happy? ^{oh, yes you are.}

The fact that a friendship last longer than a relationship gives me the creeps of getting into a relationship and falling in love.

:x

2011-04-19T18:56:00.002+08:00

Why aren't we talking..

>:(

2011-04-18T22:50:00.000+08:00

How much I hate life..

Maybe I love life, just that I hate my existence.

If I'm a skinny baby elephant, cute!

And if I'm this skinny and pretty :/

Poly?

2011-04-17T18:13:00.000+08:00

Hi people! I feel kinda hyped up to post about this.

Yeah it's about which poly and courses I want to choose and go.

Hehehe, hold on for a lil while~

Singapore Poly
Republic Poly
Temasek Poly
Ngee Ann Poly
Nanyang Poly

And the courses I want to take are:

Something that has got to do with Aeroplanes (SP)
Anything to do with designing (SP)
Sports, Health Leisure management (RP)

If I can't get into the first two, I will definitely go RP already.

Actually found quite a lot of courses that I'm interested in but lazy to list down everything.

Hehe, I'm a lazy elephant!

{(^\/^)}

So much.

2011-04-16T17:53:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone. You know, there's so many things I would want to write it here. But, I can't :/ I mean, I have to write it on the other blog, fearing that people might still think wrongly. People might be affected by my posts. But, the main thing is I'm already used to blog here. It's not troublesome to blog @ the other one but I am really used to blogging here. Yes, I don't update about my daily life. What's the point anyway, my life is uninteresting and boring. Who wants to know about my life anyway, yes? Everything's just not the same anymore. I can't feel the happy feeling in me. I want to be happy, but I just don't know where did the happiness gone to.

Do you know that kind of feeling? Like you lost somebody or something like that? When you're only and option and not a priority? When someone cared so much about you but to them, it's just an advice? Do you have that feeling? It's just so unfair. This world is so unfair!

I'm sick.

Molmol Lovo

2011-04-15T08:52:00.000+08:00

Idk what I'm thinking nowadays..

Life is full of shit.

Bullshit.

Hate.

2011-04-13T20:05:00.002+08:00

I wonder what's wrong with me today.

I feel so fucked up.

Why, seriously.

Can I stop everything?

Like really everything, I mean my life.

Day 2.

2011-04-12T18:32:00.002+08:00

Ok I have to tell you people that I'm not sticking to my diet :x

But then I'll just tell you what I ate today.

Breakfast and Recess

Coffee

Pau

Vico

Lunch and Dinner

Apple pie

I wanna be skinny.

Y SO HARD TO BE SKINNY!?!?!

Day 1.

2011-04-11T19:31:00.000+08:00

Just an update of what I ate today:

Breakfast and recess

Coffee

Vico

Pau

Lunch and dinner

Pau

Vico

Isotonic drink

Green tea

You know what guys? Fml.

Haiyaaaaaaa :(

I just love the way how others toyed me, don't you?

:(

2011-04-10T15:11:00.000+08:00

The reason why I lost weight last year:

i eat in school only during recess.
after school i have to rush home and get ready to go somewhere.
eat only one meal.

The reason why I gain so much weight this year:

i eat in school during recess.
after school keep on eating.

Plans.

2011-04-10T12:20:00.000+08:00

Hi everybody :)

I'm here to update about plans for this month.

My plans of money and stuffs I should do, so..

K not talking.

April 11-15

Allowance: $50-$70

Money I must bring to school per day: $2-$3/day

Breakfast: Coffee

Recess: Vico and bread. ($1.20-$1.50)

After school: Any snacks, power pills. ($0.50-$0.70)

Dinner: none.

Drinks for the whole day: Plain water.($0.60)

I doubt I'll stick to that, hehe. But must try!!

I wanna be bulimic or anorexic, i think i'm crazy just like how you all are thinking when reading my post.

hehe! but seriously ah, i find myself fat.

I gained 4.5kg in four months. beat that!

I should get into depression :/

:)

2011-04-05T21:56:00.000+08:00

Pretty pretty please

don't you ever ever feel

like you're less than

fucking perfect.

Learning how to let go before accepting.

:(

2011-04-05T11:59:00.000+08:00

I just don't feel right.

I feel like crying, for what right?

Everything seems to be happening in a fast pace, too fast.

Those memories, seems just like yesterday..

What ever happened to everything?

Obstacles.

2011-04-04T06:55:00.000+08:00

My two months old cousin is dying of his adorable fingers and body..

And she's very cute, just like

Me. :)

Things cannot be undone.

2011-04-02T11:03:00.000+08:00

"You're the best girlfriend I've ever had."

"We will live together happily forever."

My love, you're everything I could ask for.

2011-04-02T10:53:00.000+08:00

"I love you and I can't imagine, if you're not here with me."

Hello world. I wonder how I'm feeling now. Weird, yes? But I really don't know what am I feeling. Happy, sad, angry, jealous? I feel like crying, but the tears won't come out. (Maybe it's not a right time) I feel happy because maybe, the other party is happy.. Angry? I still can't get over that fact. Jealous... Well at some point of life, you'll feel jealous because of love. That's what I feel I guess. In life, there would be a time you'll lose something and that's gonna affect the most important and biggest part of your life. Maybe the time is now, for me? The sight of them hurts me so deeply. But well, I believe mine has hurt others in the past too.

I'm gonna deactivate Facebook.

Anything, everything, whatever, just text me? :)

I'm just not ready, sorry.

2011-03-30T00:10:00.000+08:00

I never knew moving on was so hard.

I thought I wouldn't hate anyone.

Please, just let me have that period of depression.

Let me fall into depression please..

Scenes.

2011-03-27T15:36:00.001+08:00

Hi everybody! Life has been SO great, not.

Ha-ha. I came here to post about what has been going through my mind for the past few days.

Recently, images of the past kept running through my mind.

Especially sad ones and the most happiest moments.

One of it really breaks my heart. Cause I remembered the scene so clearly.

That very day, I almost died. Literally die. After I hear "Yes, i like her a lot.", I picked up my slippers and ran and ran non stop. I didn't wait for the traffic light to turn green for pedestrians and I just ran. I don't know what I was doing, I just wanted to run away. Because those words really hurt me so much. Even if I think of this scene now, I'll still cry. That's just me, I can never seem to forget those unhappy scenes yet I can never remember the happy ones.

I got to admit that I'm still having suicidal thoughts. I just want to be stress-free. But can I?

Watched movie on Friday with Wilfred Yihui and Shuyi. Mind-fucked movie yet nice, I'll rate it 3.5/5 :)

也许是爱。

Abusing.

2011-03-23T00:38:00.000+08:00

I ate so much just now :(

One chicken pau, a hotdog bun, two choco plunge(?), a cup of lemon tea and a bottle of plain water!

I'll just eat fruits tomorrow.

You can do it Mel...

Too late.

2011-03-22T19:21:00.000+08:00

I regretted what I said.

Cos when those words came out from my mouth, I literally died.

I regretted.

no.

2011-03-22T01:06:00.000+08:00

Cry cry cry, all you know how to do is cry -.-

What else you know how to do?

Seriously just go fuck your own life lah Melissa. Cb!

One week of ♥

2011-03-20T19:28:00.002+08:00

This is mua, Melmel Luva.

I spent my week with :

We went to waterfront twice, and spend the rest of the week @ Woodlands Mart.

I admit that it was a boring week but then again, I need to admit that the times were fun.

I met new people and interacted with them.

Like Shuyi, It was my first time talking to her and the first day we knew each other, we've already talked alot as if we've known each other for quite long!

Wilfred too, I've known him since last year just that we didn't talk face-to-face before until this year :)

The others who were amazed or idk what is it called about my laughters were Chiewhao, Bernard, Pikiam, Tinkiat and a few more I can't remember.

Although me and the first three didn't really talk or anything, I still feel happy to have known them.

Because their reactions to my laughters really kinda entertained me.

Zhenghan, I told him that he got a waxy face.

And I was the first to said that in his life, hahaha!

Weikiong, the guy who lend me his headphone which cost him 700bux!

Also not to forget Tong lee, the guy who lent me the walking stick.

He's a.. I don't know how to describe him but his brainless jokes never fail to crack all of us up even when we are already so god damn tired and have already stayed awake for the whole night!

And Yihui, the target or Tonglee's joke.

His replies to Tonglee's jokes also cracks all of us up!

That's why I love spending time with all of them. :)

I want to thank so many people. Like Tinkiat Shuyi Wilfred Weikiong Yihui Zhenghan Tonglee Shawn Sweeleong Teeyuan Bernard Pikiam Chiewhao and some others.

Thanks for making my week a memorable one, maybe to some of you, you might have done nothing. But the comments, compliments and reactions really made my week a wonderful one. And thanks, for making me not done my homework that I have to rush everything now. Hahaha!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I will never forget the times, from the past till now.
2010 was a lovely year for me, I met Augusteen.
We're over but at least we're still friends! :)
This year, I met new groups.
BBBs and 768 people, two nice groups.
I love all of you people! ♥

If only love is just a word, just an unimportant word..

I lost something precious.. :( Does it mean something bad is gonna happen?

2011-03-19T15:16:00.000+08:00

Suicidal thoughts again..

Wtf is wrong with me?

2011-03-15T16:08:00.000+08:00

It's over. Let tomorrow's post be the last time I'm posting sadly over you. Anything about you will remain in my private blog. Because I don't want anyone to be affected because of my blog. I've been blaming one particular girl for the cause of my relationship to fail. Well, I guess I want to apologize to her. Cause all this while I've already know that I cause the relationship to end, yet I blamed her. So hello world, I have an attitude problem. Guys dont like girls to attitude them right? So to guys out there who's gonna like me, dont. Ok, abit BHB! :P

no life.

2011-03-14T04:02:00.000+08:00

What's up man seriously.

You never allowed me to do things and now you allow her.

All this happen just like yesterday.

To someone, you know I'm talking about you.

Remember how I begged you to not help me?

And yet you didn't listen?

That's why he hate me even more and decided to cancel the status.

I've already begged you.

He hates me now.

We don't act like we're even friends, much less siblings.

-.- -.- -.- -.- -.- -.- -.-

2011-03-12T11:01:00.001+08:00

I'm so bloody angry now! :(

I fucking miss the Netball U17 trials!

Really lah, fuck my life.

Fuck my sickness, fuck the time.

I seriously want to kill myself sia, nb!

I hope I can get the chance again, :'(

Idk.

2011-03-10T20:36:00.000+08:00

Idk what's up with my life.

Hey life, what's up? :/

Today my life begins ;)

:(

2011-03-10T06:49:00.000+08:00

I look so skinny in this picture. I'm so fat now :(

Don't feel like going for netball nationals trials this saturday. :/

Feel so sick, like really fucked up only! :(

I miss Chinese.....

Hurts more than I thought it would..

2011-03-07T22:43:00.000+08:00

I'm talking about my eye. I can't sleep well :(

It's been hell for me for the past few days.

Shit mai laif! >:

I don't want to be so strong, strong enough to face every obstacles on my own.

2011-03-06T23:58:00.000+08:00

I want to fall into depression. I want to drink every week, like starting of the year. I want to chain-smoke.

I want to fall really sick. I want to have blood coming out when I cough or sneeze. I want to be weak.

I want to be a sickly weakling. I want to be hurt emotionally. I don't want to be strong enough to face obstacles.

I don't want to face the reality. I don't want to make everyone worry. I don't want anyone to just care.

I just want someone to be there, drinking with me. I want someone to be there when I fall.

I want someone to take care of me when I fall really sick. I want someone to be there, helping me.

Reality hurts so much. Truth hurts so much. Everything is killing me.

I'm just a one lump of fat shit on the ground...

Day 3: Why?

2011-03-06T11:23:00.000+08:00

To people in school, I am a happy girl. And only one or two of them truly knows that I am not. There's time when I was sad, and friends would ask me why and what happen. It was so hard for me to answer. So I just had to keep smiling and be happy in front all of them to stop those questionings. I have to pretend.

I just feel like vanishing...

Really sick.

2011-03-05T21:30:00.000+08:00

I've been eating laxatives. I've been dropping hair.

There's blood when I sneeze. I feel like fainting all the time, even now when I'm blogging.

I feel so sick. I feel so weak. I can't seem to get enough sleep.

Am I dying?

Day 1: My phone reminded me what's the occasion today.

2011-03-04T06:10:00.000+08:00

Dood, you wanted me to wear dress today.

And fuck, I know you're with her now.

Don't show off to me and stop being so sarcastic! :/

Picnic in school today! I hope it'll pick up my mood a little cause my mood has been really down for these few days. Oh, and I've been hearing stories of people who I thought of loving... Sucks.

It doesn't matter if I die or not.

Cause I died 80 days ago.

Quiet.

2011-03-02T21:43:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow, I'll be a quiet girl. And from then on, I'll try to be a super quiet girl..

It's a, sad thing.

2011-02-28T18:03:00.000+08:00

OK I HAVE THIS SUPER SAD FEELING WITHIN ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHY :( DON'T ASK ME WHY TOO PLEASE! IT'S MUST BE THE 4TH'S PROBLEM LA SIAL. I'M GONNA GET OVER IT!

Melmel please cheer up, please.. :'(

Eventful yes?

2011-02-27T11:37:00.000+08:00

Thursday (24/2)

Went to school as per normal and stayed back in school till late too. Some people came back and then it was a great thing I guess. Some silent-misunderstandings between me and Atqh! :( After that went to the toilet with Amrita, and I went home without the rest seeing me walking off. Went to Yuhaila's crib in the night and kept talking about so many funny things! Then I got a text from Atqh, saying that she wants to come over! She sneaked out of her house and we had so much fun, girls night is always the best! :) But halfway through she got caught :/ So she had to go :( So left me and Yuhaila to play Monopoly Deal alone :/ Till next day ...

Friday (25/2)

Woke up at five-thirty in the morning and head to a friend's house to charge my phone. Walk over to Yuhaila's house downstairs to meet Atqh, Yuhaila, Salam and Asyraf. Went to school together and THEY MADE JOKES AGAIN ha-ha! But I wasn't there -_- So studied in school, stayed back after school. Not a very nice day though. Went home after that, then went to find Yuhaila again cause I stayed over at her crib again. So met her at causeway, ate and went to find Rafiq and the rest. Rafiq's friend, Farhan I think, he's funny like shit! Hahaha, joker sia. Then went back to Yuhaila's crib and stayed till the next day ....

Saturday (26/2)

Woke up early and went over to a friend's house to charge my phone. Walked to causeway to meet the rest and some fucking stupid things happen -.- fucked up! so went to flea market and actually wanted to buy some things but well, embarrassing so didn't buy :( Got two packs of Famous Amos cookies and a hand-made bear from Rafiq :$ I was so damn shy la when he pass it to me cause it's so... ok many of our friends was there. Well, thanks anyway :) So we walk around and headed back to Woodlands by bus. Went to Isaac's house to play mahjong then went home :)

The end!

Miao!

2011-02-22T22:51:00.002+08:00

Life isn't being nice to me.

I repierced my tongue.
I don't understand a single thing in school.
I got back my old clique.
I almost died on January 31.
I am planning to die again.

I am still the old me.

Wondering.

2011-02-18T00:01:00.002+08:00

I wonder who really knows that I'm sad.

No one I guess, everyone's been busy with their own life to notice mine.

Again.

2011-02-16T20:51:00.000+08:00

I'm crazy.

I want to wake up tomorrow @ four in the morning and run.

No, not that I want to exercise.

I want to drain myself out.

I want to just... die.

:(

2011-02-16T18:45:00.000+08:00

& I just got to know that I have not move on.

Because I teared when I saw our past.

Fuck.

I want to be 47kg.

2011-02-15T20:04:00.001+08:00

It was our 2nd month break up on Valentines day lol. It's nothing la actually.

Well, maybe something?

I can't post everything here cause later one motherbitch will make a big fuss over what I post -.-

& yeah, I got over him alr.

Just that I don't trust guys.

So no point even if I like a new guy, I go into a relationship with him.

There's no point lah, so wait till I can trust guys first.

Oh yeah, I gained 3kg in just 1 month. Fuck it seriously!

Fuck.

2011-02-12T19:26:00.001+08:00

Everyday I just feel like this! >:( Feel like fucking my life a million times per day.

One more nonsense from my family and I'll fucking leave the house -'- One more only I swear, cheebuaaaaai!
Relax ah Mel.

Lazy Daisy.

2011-02-12T11:32:00.000+08:00

I am sick.
Down with flu, cough, body aches, sore throat.
:(

Don't feel like studying later on, feel like going Haji Lane or Arab Street to take pictures! :o

2011-02-10T19:34:00.000+08:00

Don't make me feel so afraid to love.

Don't make me hurt everyone, like how you hurt me by saying all those hurting stuffs.

Don't fucking lie, and do it then come up with stupid excuses.

Don't tell me since you both were meant to be.

Fuck -'-

I guess I'll be crying myself to sleep tonight. Maybe...

Breakup.

2011-02-08T17:12:00.001+08:00

I don't know what you (all) want now.
What you (all) want?
Ruin our friendship is it?
I LOST MY FUCKING RELATIONSHIP AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU (ALL) WANT TO TAKE AWAY THIS FRIENDSHIP. Fuck (all of) ya. _|_

fucker

2011-02-08T10:46:00.001+08:00

You made him hate me when you said you're gonna help me. Now you're making him hate me all over again. Thanks mother fucker bitch.

I'm not what you think I am.

2011-02-07T19:03:00.002+08:00

I don't know if I'm happy on the outside and inside, or only on the outside.

I don't know, seriously.

Like fucked up only, hate school -_-

Hate every single shit I have to go through.

I give myself one reason why he left me.

Because her house is nearer to his so when he send her home, he doesn't need to walk too far.

I'm a happy girl :)

Everyone thinks I am happy now, but no one knows that I am sad.

Think & know is two different think.

Birthday.

2011-02-01T21:20:00.000+08:00

I survived 31 January 2011. :) All thanks to uhm, asshole? :o Yeah, he's been ignoring me :( But he claimed that he didn't, cock only ah. Feel so .. idk ah. Anyway, my birthday celebration was celebrated by Jianhao, Tenghui, Aron and Adrian. Pathetic, but yeah at least there's someone there to celebrate. Of course, people that I hoped that would come, didn't come. But oh well, this is my life. We ate at Seoul Garden, and Jianhao gave me the first present this year. Cos my family gave me money only. Ahhhh, no cake. Again, no cake -_- BUT, OK LA NEVERMIND. Melmel used to it alr. :)